Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
