What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
