I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
