he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
