I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
