It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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