You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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