I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
