so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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