what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
