we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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