The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
