Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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