you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
