He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
