how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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