Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
