Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
