So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
