Barsexuality is the new black.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
