he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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