Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
