my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Randomize
