I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
