If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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