Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
