He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
