I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
