it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i think my cat just said my name.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
