We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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