did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
