Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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