if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
