dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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