what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
