Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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