Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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