I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
