Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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