im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
