he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
