so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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