I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
