I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
