You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
