I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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