i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
