My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
