Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we're so committed to being not committed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
