there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
