Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
