If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
