just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm both gender and math confused
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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