don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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