I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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