I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
